Hello,
Welcome back Blogger! I madly wanted to post before, but it was closed so now I'm here!
I posted a, well, post on my other blog just now, I was actually in the middle of writing it when blogger closed which was slightly annoying, but now it's posted.
Some of the pictures, they make me think, because I know that those things do and have happened.
Don't discuss your weakness with anybody, because once they know, they'll use it against you.
I feel a strange need to explain myself, to you, my dear blogger.
Something like that happened to me.
I guess I was used by the people I thought would never leave me.
My best friends, who were in fact, not that at all.
It's so hard when the people you trust and believe in, make you believe that you are worthless, a nothing and tell you that it was far from being their fault, but it was your own.
They seem to almost ruin you and most everything you thought your life was going for, they make things so terribly hard that it's impossible not to wish that you had never known them.
They seem to follow what you do and everything you strive for, they insist on pulling down again and making it all seem like such a waste.
And probably worst of all, they dont hide the fact that they themselves have lots of other friends, when they were my only ones... they don't hide that they are happy when I am sad and feel like crumpling.
And even when it's such a while ago that it all happened, you feel as if at any moment in time, they might come back again and try to be as you used to.... it's a worst nightmare, because even though I know that I won't let it happen again, I fear that it could... and I don't want to be let down again.
They made me unwell.
They almost ruined my year.... years.
And I saw one of them, a while ago... and she was so, talky, so innocent, when behind that exterior, was something that had really hurt me.
And even though (as I've noted) it happened a long while ago and I think of myself as over it and fine, I've been going back a lot lately, especially in my dreams.
So maybe for me, the only way to really get myself truly fine again, is to write about it.
To immerse myself in something that they can't srive to be better at, to write about a happy little girl who almost get's ruined by the people who she trusted.
Maybe it almost kills her.
And they don't honestly care for a jot of a second.
Maybe my weakness was that I was open, I was different because I didn't go to school like them, I didn't like the same kind of thing (and if that means liking Twilight, then never!).... I am different.
I love it.
I love who I am now.
I love everything more now.
But I don't forget what happened before.
Even if they seem to.
But I wasted a lot of my life with them.
I still fear meeting somewhere, because though I love the thought of it, I don't think I would speak out.
And it still makes my stomach churn at the possibility of hearing of them... at least one of even has a blog.
But maybe, just maybe... now that I know myself more, I'd be able to say what I think and tell them how I feel.... if they were to ask.
"Oh Hi Romi! How are you? You look great... Are you coming back to ballet???" (goggle eyes and horrid smile's all round)
"Well, quite honestly, seeing you has made me feel queasy, because of what you did to me; don't ever think I will forget, behind those smiles. Because I'm better. You may try, but you'll never get the best of me. Not now I know. And that's none of your business, because you made it not your business doing everything you did to me." and then I'd walk away, and I would feel strange, because I'd have done something I'd been wanting to do for so long.
Or I could say either of these things...
Or even break out into song with Taylor Swift's song, Mean... (most of lyrics below, just to make my point)
"You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
you have knocked me off my feet again and got me feeling like a nothing
you, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard calling me out when I'm wounded
you, picking on the weaker man.
Well you can take me down, with just one single blow
but you don't know what you don't know
someday I'll be livin in a big old city and all your ever gonna be is mean...
You, with your switching sides and your walk by lies and your humiliation,
you have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don't already see them,
I, just wanna feel ok again.
But all you are is mean,
and a liar,
and pathetic,
and alone in life
and mean
and mean
and mean
and mean.......
So thank you, everyone, because even when I tear and feel like nothing can ever be the same, even when I'm moody and argumentitive (which is a big fault of mine) I couldn't do it without what is here and all around for me... my home and family constantly help me smile and enjoy me life, they were the only ones who really understood what happened to me, and I couldn't have gotten through without them.
Now you know, and I thank you more than this blog can put across.
Getting comments telling me how you're reading a book I reviewed, how your writing's going, how you like me blog and Q&A's always makes me happy.
So thank you.
From my heart.
Forever.
Your friendship will always mean a lot.
Romi.xxx
And thank you Mr I love Books guy.
And you too, Eurovision.... you truly rock my socks! Whatever that means.... rock my converses maybe is more appropriate for the time...