You know, as I typed the title of this post into the title field (words) I hesitated. I almost backed out from writing down my thoughts on this topic at all, because it's not nice, is it? Jealousy is one of those things that I see spoken of in a post and oftentimes I kind of want to avoid, because being jealous and admitting to being jealous and talking of other people who are jealous, it's a big bunch of things that basically say "this isn't a nice thing and look what it does". And Jealousy, with capitals, is not a nice thing. It's bitterness and anguish and pain and hopelessness and hope forsaken.
For a human, jealousy can be immense or managable, and for me it's always been the latter, and I hope for it to always be the latter, but it doesn't mean that it isn't frustrating and painful and difficult, overall. Difficult for how it makes you feel and think and for the fact it's there at all, but I don't necessarily think that jealousy is bad. It's something I try to steer away from, personally and when it's discussed, because of how I feel about it, but I'm also interested in understanding why that's my reaction- seeing something someone else has and feeling jealous is, likely, something that has carried people across the ages, and yet I'm intently uncomfortable with the mention, even of it.
In book blogging, jealousies can run high. Book bloggers get hundreds of comments! They get free books! They have amazing support groups! And I think something that also has to be understood, when it comes to those things, is that an incredible level of work has also been put into the reviews and blogs of those bloggers, and even if it sometimes seems a little unfair that you haven't yet reached that level of blogging prowess I think it's important to understand that it doesn't come easy.
I've been blogging for almost five years and I'd classify myself as having a small blog. I don't get inundated with comments and I've been on top and able to stay up to date with my review tbr for around 6 months, and I'm proud of my blog and where I have taken it. I still want to meet more bloggers and make more friendships, and I want to get to know the bloggers I count as my friends even more, because they're great! But I still do get jealousies, now and then. I'm not immune just because I write via keyboard. I feel left out, sometimes, and it's a bitter, sad thing to feel. But I don't think it's necessary to hate or even dislike myself for that, and, right at the bottom of it, that is something I mentally link with jealousy: Hate. Loathing. And I think, in many cases, it could be more important to try and understand the feelings being expressed or felt on both sides.
What are your thoughts on jealousy? Does it affect you when it comes to blogging? Do you get book envies?
P.S. INSTAGRAM. I'm there. Are you?