Monday, September 7, 2015

The early mornings in which I write.

I wake up early. My alarm has a sticker over it because no one needs such loudness so very early. The sun hasn't risen-
or it has-
and I get up. My head feels full, messy, until I've worked through my tasks to the boiling of the water and have a cup of tea, a cooled face.
And I go back to bed.
I write, curtains open, eyes darting again and again to the day as it breaks-
or continues to break-
as the trees sway and their leafy fingers twirl in ways I don't always notice, don't always spend an extra moment to take in. I feel like I could cry, when I realise how much I miss every. single. moment. My head isn't bowed so often, so completely, as it should be, my attention early on... lax. But I continue.
Words skitter out from my pen and onto the paper before me, the ink thick or thin and interchangable.
Daily. Monthly. Weekly. Hourly.
It stains my fingers and when I look at my hands, along the cracks and curves and lines that make up the flesh I control and contort in ways that always surprise me, red, purple, black, blue ink stains them.
I cherish it.
Sometimes I have a goal. Sometimes I have music. Sometimes I let my goal be decided by my gut, the music be the world awakening around me as I sit in bed and write pages of text that one day I'll edit, reform, discard, rediscover.

All of it is important. All of it is necessary- even when it isn't. Because it makes me happy. It makes me feel alive and real and wholer than I always know how to be.

16 comments:

  1. Wow, this is so beautiful. I think this is my favorite part: "It stains my fingers and when I look at my hands, along the cracks and curves and lines that make up the flesh I control and contort in ways that always surprise me, red, purple, black, blue ink stains them." Isn't that writing? Isn't that what we're all about? This is lovely, Romi. Keep up the good work!

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    1. Ah. Oh my gosh. Heather, thank you so, so much. When I saw what you'd written I was utterly overwhelmed. Your support is monumental.
      It's writing. It's creating. It's what I and so many others are about, absolutely. xx

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  2. This kinda put a tear in my eye, Romi, especially the last two paragraphs! So many people have discouraged me when I talk about my love for reading and writing, say it won't ever amount to anything. Even if I don't ever amount to someone great like Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, isn't the most important thing is the fact that it makes us whole, happy, and human? That it makes us feel we are living? Such a beautiful piece this is :)

    Faye at The Social Potato

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    1. Faye! Are you serious? I really am lost for words and just SO touched by your coming and reading this and commenting and saying such lovely things.
      I think if you have a love and a passion for it, that's the only thing you need. It doesn't matter what other people say, because your passion is enough. Doing something that makes you feel alive- as you say, like you're living- there isn't anything better, I don't think. I don't think there's anything more you would have. xxx

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  3. I think this is lovely. My question is: does it relate to you as well? Are you someone who writes in the early mornings? If I don't have school that day, then it is something I do in the early morning myself, and this describes it perfectly :3

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    1. Thank you! In answer to your question: it so does. It relates to my very fibres. This is very autobiographical of my life when I'm freshly working on something and the process of it carrying along to it's end. x

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  4. That's beautiful. I try to find the time to write, but I don't force myself. Sometimes, I would wake up at 2 in the am just to write things down. I miss those flashes of inspiration at an ungodly hour of the night.

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    1. Thank you, Joy.
      Those flashes of inspiration, they're amazing, especially when they come at inopportune moments! I once wrote a whole, I think, short story at 11.30PM or something and it was intense and tiring and amazing. And last week, I got inspiration in the car and had no paper (I was a passenger, I note) and used my hand. It was AWE. SOME.
      xx

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  5. Beautiful, Romi! I'm not sure what else to say-I love this. I'm so happy you found something that makes you feel this way. I used to write but don't anymore because of time, which I definitely regret because it's a great way to see what has been messing around in your brain, itching to come out.

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    1. Thank you so, so much, Alise. Utterly. From the depths of my heart!
      You describe writing so well. It's a way of expressing myself that I can only do through words- I'm much more comfortable with written words than spoken and can just... come alive, when I write, in a way I can't when I speak. I'm so glad I have the ability to express myself in the way I can best. And I hope one day you go back to writing, Alise, if you regret stopping. xx

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  6. Ohhh, I loved this. I loved the "All of it is important. All of it is necessary- even when it isn't." part too, particularly, because even if we write stuff we don't keep, it's still growing us as a writer, right?! YAY FOR EARLY RISERS TOO.

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    1. Cait! Thank you so much!
      Definitely. Even if we cut half of it or all of it or start from the beginning, we still grow from every word we type and write and jot down. It changes us, I think, everything we work on, in ways we mightn't be able to see at once but that is surely there.

      Early risers and ink stains! xx

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  7. Ooh, this is a lovely piece of self-reflective prose poetry mishmash. "But I continue." hit me especially hard, since I'm in a writing slump and working my way out very slowly, one word, one sentence a day. Continuing is so important.

    I can't write much in the mornings, though, because I rush off to school right away -- I do get maybe 10 minutes after I get to school that I can dash off a few sentences in. Early risers are so amazing.

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    1. Aaah, thank you, Alyssa. Definitely a mishmash, this one.
      I'm so, so glad it hit you like that. One word at a time is so very important. One word at a time is the only way to get out of them. One word and then another and then another, until you're out and don't even realise it.

      Finding time to write, whether it be at 5 or 6 or 8 or 12 or even 1AM, that's what's important. And maybe one day, when school isn' demending your presence, you'll have the opportunity and make the choice to be an early riser, too. xx

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  8. Romi,
    Beautifully written. Never stop writing. You are so very talented!

    -Jordan

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    1. Aah, my gosh- thank you, Jordan. Thank you so much. xx

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